Bully Proofing Children
Successful Bullying Prevention Based on Resilience Building
Today violent influences surround children. What can adults do to ensure that children are neither bullies, nor victims of a bully?
Research, first undertaken in 1980 in Norway by Dan Olweus has shown that the traditional disciplinary approach does not deter bullying behaviour. During the past two decades great success is being had with non-reactionary approaches to bullying. Studies since the first undertaken in 1980 by Olweus and furthered by Susan Limber of the US Olweus bullying prevention program, show that if a child’s resiliency is increased, the likelihood of that child engaging in anti-social behaviours, such as bullying, is greatly decreased. Anti-bullying programs today are based on character and confidence building for all children.
Bully Proofing
The purpose of pro-active resiliency training is to challenge children at a deeper level. Each child’s natural strengths are developed in order to increase core confidence. A confident child is less likely to bully or be victimized by a bully. Anti-bullying programs also stress the importance of positive relationships with adults in relation to a child’s healthy social development. Spending purposeful quality time connecting with a child is the best way to build a child’s social skills and resilience.
Healthy Role Models
Children are modelers. They mimic what they see, rather than what they hear. If a child does not have an adult to mimic, the child will mimic the behaviour of other children and youth. Bullies are looking for attention, acceptance and quite often love. They manifest their need for affection by mimicking how they see themselves as being treated, especially by the adults in their lives.
In today’s world of busy schedules remember to block off time to be a parent or mentor. Respect this time. Keep the appointment. Turn off the cell phones and Blackberries. A child needs to know that they are important in someone’s life. The human connection needs to be kept strong.
Home Life
All adults, especially parents, are encouraged to pay attention to online activities of youth. Sit down and watch TV with them. Get to know their friends. Bully-proofing relies on children having a strong sense of who they are bolstered by a strong set of human values. Children obtain their value systems from their parents and other adults in their lives.
Bullying Intervention
Under the guidance of a trained facilitator, anti-bullying programs provide children with the tools, skills and confidence to diffuse bullying. As noted by Olweus and Limber, a large percentage of bullying occurs with an audience. There are the two or three children who cheer the bully on, but there is also a much larger group of bystanders who watch. A bully interprets the audience’s silence as encouragement and approval. Though the silent bystanders are most likely appalled by what is happening; their silence is interpreted by the bully as acquiescence. A resilient child has the confidence to stand up and say, ‘No. Bullying is wrong.’ Quite often that is all it takes to advert a potential bully.
There are several school bullying prevention programs that can be adapted to meet the needs of individual communities. Heroes Among Us and Virtues are two such programs. Both programs require the strong support of the entire school community, including parents.
Other Resources:
The British website Bullying.org is a good place to start for those seeking to know more about bullying, as is the book Hold On To Your Kids, Why Parents Matter, by Gordon Neufeld, PhD and Gabor Mate, MD.
