Bullying in the last decade has gone high-tech, as kids and teens are more often taking their taunts, insults and harassment online. What this means to bullying victims is that they are no longer safe when they're at home; kids and teens are continually vulnerable to the attacks of an online bully – in their living rooms, bedrooms and even on family vacations. This vulnerability causes extreme distress and fear in its victims, and is an extreme form of mental abuse.
What's Different About Cyber Bullying?
Cyber bullying differs from schoolyard or neighborhood bullying in several ways:
- Cyber bullies are usually able to remain anonymous, so they can be almost impossible to identify; this means the risk of suffering consequences is much lower.
- Messages or images that are designed to torment or harass another child can be distributed to a huge audience almost instantly, causing extreme humiliation for the victim.
- While children are typically safe from "normal" bullying when they're in their home, kids are vulnerable to cyber bullying whenever they are near a computer or a cell phone. In fact, children and teens can be awakened from sleep by the audible notification of a text, voicemail or instant message, only to find that the message is threatening or harassing.
Balancing Kids' Need for Privacy With Their Need to be Safe
Kids can be extremely secretive about their online socializing, and to some degree, this should be respected. However, the potential for being victimized (as well as the potential for behaving inappropriately) is high on the Internet, so a certain level of monitoring is appropriate and necessary.
A note of caution – parents should expect protest and indignation if they wait until their child is a teen before they begin monitoring her online activities. However, if the monitoring starts early, when the child first begins using the Internet, it will be viewed by the child as just another of the family's rules.
It's important that parents explain why they are monitoring online activities – that it's to protect them, not to police them. They should also be watchful that their children aren't engaging in any sort of cyber bullying themselves.
How Can Parents Help Kids Avoid Cyber Bullying
Kids have access to computers nearly all day – at school, at home, and when visiting the homes of friends. This means it's impossible for parents to continuously monitor their child's online activities. It's vital that kids are made aware of the potential for online harassment, and know what to do if it happens.
If a child believes he is being harassed by a cyber bully, he should:
- Tell his parents If the child is wondering if a message qualifies as cyber bullying, it probably does. He should be instructed to immediately tell a parent, guardian or other trusted adult if such a message arrives in his inbox or is posted on his online "wall."
- Save all emails, MySpace or Facebook posts, text messages or instant messages that could be interpreted as threatening, violent, insulting, taunting or in any way harassing. These saved messages will serve as proof of the threats or harassment.
- Report the messages to the Internet service provider (ISP), both your own and the bully's service provider. Terms of use for ISP's prohibit online harassment or threats, and the ISP will likely suspend the offender's account when evidence of harassment is provided.
Parents should contact the police; harassment is a crime.
Talking and Teaching Can Protect Children From Becoming Victims of Online Bullies
Socializing online or through text messaging should never make a child feel afraid, picked-on, or less-than. If it does, it's cyber bullying, and it needs to be stopped immediately, before it escalates. It's up to parents to teach their children about online behaviors from others that should not be tolerated. Parents also need to be vigilant about their children's online lives; respecting their privacy is appropriate, but protecting their safety is the most vital concern.
References
Wolak, J., Mitchell, K., & Finkelhor, D. (2006). Online Victimization of Youth: Five Years Later. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.
Ybarra, M.L., & Mitchell, K.J. (2004). "Youth Engaging in Online Harassment: Associations With Caregiver-Child Relationships, Internet Use, and Personal Characteristics". Journal of Adolescence, 27, 319-336.
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